THE OREGON CONSERVATIVE

ABCs of Common Sense and Satire

Sunday, July 30, 2007

Criminals Thinking Green!

The car owner walks out of his residence this AM to find his vehicle has not been stolen but stripped bare, right there in his own driveway.

Now, think of the energy saved with the criminals not having stolen the car and choosing to do their work on site.

Environmentalism is catching on!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

http://www.kptv.com/news/13765335/detail.html

Headline: Police: Missing 3-Year-Old May Be In Danger

The fear is the father may have returned to Mexico and taken their son with him.

Note: Now, why would they assume that? Are they Racist? Is going back to Mexico wrong?

For two days now the K-12 reporter who calls herself Felicia Matson (more likely Felicia Mataes) demonstrated her ability to speak what sounds as Native Spanish when interviewing the Child's mother and when the mother explains how the father is One Crazy Bad Hombre and how we didn't help her escape his grasp.

What, did hubby become One Crazy Bad Hombre overnight? Sounds like a family dispute and we are being used as a ammo in a BS fight.

Oh yes, the paint scheme on the apartment complex is identical to what is used on the new Tax Supported Salem property. The one that is reserved exclusively for renting to . . . Spanish Speaking Hispanic's.

Ms. Matson (perhaps of the Container Ship family) might hang out in Salem as the Police can always use more Interpreters.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

So I spot this New style, lawn furniture being offered at a local out- door and more store. I like it!

What looks strange is it has more tags sewn on it than a New York pillow.

Upon close inspection I see that among other points they explain the chair is a product of China. Go figure!

But, most importantly one tag tells the product contains No Recycled Materials.

What, I thought Re-cycled was a good thing. I guess that depends.

Now, about those Teva sandals that have turned certain areas of my carpet . . . Black. Yea right, but its just where I walk and/or sit and on the bottom of my feet.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Yes, but will he miss any games?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Arizona Diamondbacks Minor League Prospect Arrested on Rape Charge
Salem-News.com

The charges stem from the victim being unable to consent to sexual activity due to her age and not due to force.

(SALEM, Ore. ) - Melendez Ramos photo Early Thursday morning, police detectives in Salem, Oregon arrested 21-year-old Norman Joel Melendez-Ramos on charges of Rape in the Third Degree.

Melendez-Ramos is a baseball player for the Yakima Bears, a minor league affiliate of the Arizona Diamondbacks, that is currently in Salem for a series of games against the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes.

Melendez-Ramos allegedly met the 15-year-old female victim following the baseball game at Volcanoes Stadium on Tuesday, July 24th.

http://salem-news.com/

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Headline: Two children found in NE Salem

http://www.kptv.com/news/13742353/detail.html

I suspect these two little boys were not abandoned, they were taken away and Dumped as we might expect with . . . Unwanted Puppies!

My suggestion is the City Council call an Emergency Meeting so as to consider Fabric Pattern Options for use in making the Hand Bag we are . . . Going to Hell in.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

I'm not at all satisfied with the results of GW's colonoscopy and think he should have another exam tomorrow, and another the next day, and the next day and the . . .

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Bill Clinton: 'No Military Victory' Possible in Iraq...

Slick is correct!

Every successful military action results in a "Surrender" which can also be described as a . . . Negotiated Political Settlement.

Monday, July 16, 2007

They were so Carbon Light I doubt if they had shadows.

What looked as a book reading and quite unremarkable boomer couple (teachers perhaps) parked their Earth Tone, New Toyota Prius Hybrid next to my gas burning rig as I was leaving Fred Meyer.

They stepped from their vehicle wearing quite unremarkable Earth Tone clothing with sensible footwear, carefully opened the trunk and retrieved two fabric shopping bags that looked as made of Hemp.

I can't imagine living life as plain oatmeal.

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P.S. I wonder how much it will cost to dispose of their Old car batteries by shipping them to China where they will be made into children's toys and sent back to the USA.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Headline: Driver hits Seattle-to-Portland bicyclist

See that on TV News?

They gave his name, home city and showed us his picture on the First News Broadcast.

Gringo (non-Hispanic) fella ya know. Guess I didn't need to explain that, now did I?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Headline: Fresh attacks in Pakistan, 40 killed

Sure as heck wouldn't want to get killed in a stale attack!

What would they say on your gravestone?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

If a person over-exercised and their bodies became overly tight, hey might suddenly pop inside-out?

If such an event is not a concern we are lucky with not fearing a surprise discovery of what Ted Kennedy, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell are made of.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Cripes sake, all we hear are folks complaining about all the Smoke in the neighborhoods on the 4th of July. The ninnies, that is all the kids can buy legally.

My idea is to team up with the kids and torture the Voters into again allowing kids to have Fireworks with a Bang. This so they can learn from small mistakes when young and also allow Darwin's Law to work its magic.

How about next year we convince the kids to burn Damp Feathers along with their Smoke Bombs.

My bet is the smell of that will bring out the Petitions and pillow sales will Skyrocket!